1) Comfort food
Piss off salads, we'll see you in May! Bring on the pies, (Pastry and pie) and soups and roasts and stews. We'll all put on some Winter bulk but it's okay because no one can tell in our gilets and MASSIVE jumpers.
2) Winter drinks
Ditto winter beverages. No I'm not talking about you Winter Pimms, you abomination. I'm talking about red wine, spiced lattes, (Not pumpkin or eggnog though - we're not American, let's stop trying to be.) ales and perhaps even a mulled wine or spiced apple towards the end of November.
Some pubs have fires on all year round. This confuses me. If your beer garden is full, don't have a fire on. But in the run up to Christmas yes please, give us a fire. We will gaze at it memorised supping an ale, before realising that we got over zealous and sat way too fucking close to the inferno and shedding our million layers of clothing.
4) Kicking leaves.
I don't care how old you are, who can resist the temptation of a crisp pile of leaves just begging to be kicked everywhere!? Even better if they've been raked into a loving pile by someone else.
5) Less outdoor play and more indoor play!
Dust off those dildos, charge up those cock rings, think about using the butt plug and then put it back.... Snuggle under the covers and enjoy our special offers. Peachy Keen will warm you up through the winter months.
1) When you've just eaten a big meal.
Seriously, I think we're all agreed here that no matter the gender or the orientation, sex on a full stomach is slightly horrendous. Firstly no one can be bothered when they have a belly full of 3 courses and a misjudged after dinner espresso but also surely all the blood is having to concentrate on your belly so there's nowt left for the sexy organs to have!? If you do manage to do it, you're going to have to position yourselves so no one's belly is touching anything but is also beautifully supported by the bed or maternity trousers like Joey from friends. Just wait till morning.
1) It should just be for kids.
Yet again, like Easter eggs and Onesies, I feel like April Fools is just another thing that should be for kids but adults have appropriated it to brighten up our dreary lives. It's great when kids try to trick you on April Fools or you try to trick them with something innocent like dying the milk green or putting a shark fin on the dog. It's easy and cute to fool kids or be fooled by them. To fool adults, you have to put a lot of effort in or make it a lot darker - which leads me to.......
In honour of the goings on of last week's #FrogSpawnGate and because it's Good Friday so erm.... something to do with eggs maybe, Peachy Keen presents to you the 5 best Tenga Eggs, reviewed by people who *shock horror* actually tried them!
1) Scones that rip open neatly
Now I'm no Mary Berry but I know that you shouldn't need a knife to split a good scone in half. So when you can split it evenly with your bare hands... Phwoar.. And also eating said scone.
ALL of our Fifty Shades of Grey Sex Toys are currently on sale at Peachy Keen. So in honour of these we would like to share what we think are the best 5 Fifty Shades of Grey Sex Toys to buy and play with.
1) FSoG 'We Aim to Please' Vibrating Bullet - This little beauty is so simple and a lot more effective than other battery operated bullet vibrators. It's a classy looking little thing with its own storage bag, and all for under £10.
Was: £11.99 Now: £9.99