#FridayFive - 5 Reasons April Fools Day is the Worst
1) It should just be for kids.
Yet again, like Easter eggs and Onesies, I feel like April Fools is just another thing that should be for kids but adults have appropriated it to brighten up our dreary lives. It's great when kids try to trick you on April Fools or you try to trick them with something innocent like dying the milk green or putting a shark fin on the dog. It's easy and cute to fool kids or be fooled by them. To fool adults, you have to put a lot of effort in or make it a lot darker - which leads me to.......
2) Scaring people is not funny.
Jumping out from a tree dressed as a gorilla and chasing me down the street doesn't make you a 'prankster'. It makes you a complete and utter cockwomble. Just because you shout "April Fools" after it doesn't make it funny! "Grandma's dead... April Fools!!!" Ha ha let's all laugh about it. Not.
Ditto doing something gross like putting clingfilm on the toilet seat - some mug, probably me, is going to have to clean that up.
Likewise the whole joking that you're pregnant thing. It's not nice anyway and here's why but also if the baby daddy is really happy or says "That's why you've been getting bigger." Then it's mean and you have to say "Not really..." *awkward silence* Or he gets mad and tells you he won't stand by you or cries. Then you know the truth... *awkward silence* and for what.. Just to film it and become a viral sensation. Well done you.
3) It's really hard to explain April Fools Day to people who don't understand it.
I used to work in a care home where most of the staff were Nigerian or Ghanaian born. I remember collapsing into a chair in the break room at the end of a 14 hour shift and an excitable colleague with her nose in the paper loudly telling me that they'd painted all the post boxes in the UK blue overnight. It was April 1st. The conversation went something like this:
Her: Look Anna! All the post boxes are now blue, I can't wait to see them on my walk home.
Me: Oh, they're not, it's just an April Fools.
Her: No Anna, they have photos.
Me: Yeah I know but it's not real.
Her: How? Why would they print something untrue in the newspaper?
Me: ....Because it's April Fools Day.
Her: Anna there is a photo. You are wrong. There is a quote from the Prime Minister. Wait. What is April Fools Day?
Me: It's a day where people play jokes on each other and for some reason the newspapers like to get involved.
Her: Why? I do not understand.
Me: Me neither....
*Apparently post boxes in Guernsey ARE blue. So they did an April Fools about something that exists. I don't get it.
4) There are too many stipulations.
I can't keep up with the rules of this stupid tradition as laid out in the April Fools playbook but here are but a few:
You have to do your prank before midday otherwise you then automatically become the April Fool - a label that surely will render you no better off than a leper in biblical times.
You have to shout "April Fools" after said prank so that all will see you didn't actually kick Geoff in the knackers - it was all in the name of jest.
You can only do one prank so no decking your home out in some kind of horror house Macauly Culkin style.
Why don't we make life easier on ourselves and just not do it. I'm sure all the people born on 1st April will appreciate us ditching it.
5) Finally... I always flipping fall for them.
I can't help it, I'm either too trusting or I like to think that I've chosen my acquaintances wisely enough that none of them would debase themselves by pranking me. Here are some I've fallen for in the last few years.
-'You need to go outside because someone's smashed into your car. They've taken the wing mirror off.' This was at work and I'd just passed my driving test, I was crying by the time I got to the intact car. Needless to say the shout of "APRIL FOOLS" completed my transition into jibbering wreck.
-'Kylie has broken her leg.' I used to work with children (Yeah I know, me!?) and there was a different variation on this each year. I always forgot it was April Fools Day but even if I didn't, how could I not quickly go running to the scene of the incident... I'll let them off because they were children and as we've discussed, April Fools Day is for children.
-'They've painted all the post boxes in Britain blue.' Yes dear reader, the only reason I could speak with such conviction to my colleague was because I had fallen for the same story 14 hours earlier and mentioned it to my boss who had set me straight.....
So there we go, today I will try to be on my guard but nevertheless I still really just don't get it. Maybe I can't take a joke or maybe this has just been one long April Fools Joke and I love April Fools. (See there you go... there is another reason it sucks... you can't trust anything anyone says on April 1st.) So enjoy guys, because I won't be!
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