#FridayFive - 5 Songs to (Not) Have Sex To

 

1) Return of the Mack - Mark Morrison

OMG such a tune. I feel like you could maybe dirty dance to this - in fact a bet a few of you have #Benidorm97 (Pre-hashtag days!) The beat is just not conducive to a thrusting motion, it's all over the place. That nose piercing though, phwoar.

 

2) Agadoo - Black Lace

I feel like it's probably impossible to climax to any Black Lace song - can someone test this theory and report back? Thanks. You also need to perform the dance as a sexy warm-up, preferably dressed as a pineapple. 

 

3) Billy Joel - We Didn't Start the Fire.

This is possibly only relevant to me but if this song came on during sex I would instantly stop paying attention... and immediately test myself see how far I can get through the song remembering the lyrics. ('Bridge on the River Kwai' if you're interested.) I will then remember the episode of the American Office where BJ Novak starts a fire and they sing 'Ryan started the fire' and then I will snigger.

 

4) S Club 7 - Reach

Again, a delightful song but impossibly twee - much too jovial to be sexy to. I think this applies to all S Club 7 songs. I will also start doing the dance and risk poking an eye out when I 'reach' a half beat too late. I will also sing Bradley's backing bits without actually knowing exactly what he's saying.   

 

5) Frank Sinatra - New York, New York

While I'm sure there are plenty of people who have done the deed to this song, I'm also sure 99.9% of them were in the toilets at the end of a party or student night. Old Blue Eyes can pretty much serenade me to orgasm but not with this song, it's a big song, with a very obvious beat and a ginormous finish. No pressure then. If you could time your orgasm to the ending, it would be amazeballs - there you go, there's another project for you.

What would have made it onto your list? Probably any Disney songs right? Let me know below or on Twitter @annapeachykeen

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13 November, 2015 1 tags (show)

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