#FridayFive - 5 Sexy Things you have done that you thought were a good idea at the time…

1) Used whipped cream – We’ve all done it and we all don’t know why. There is nothing sexy about the putrid smell of rapidly going off dairy goods between two writhing bodies. And nothing says anti-climax like having to strip the sheets and put a wash on.

emma stone

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2) Had sex in a public place – “Oooh it’s naughty”, “Ooh we’re wild”, “Omg I wonder when this was last cleaned?”, “Will I go to jail if I get caught?”, “What if they have cameras and this ends up on youporn?”

public place sex

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3) Tried a standing up sex position – It can be fun but it basically only works if one of you is a body builder and the other a ballerina and even then jelly legs cannot support an orgasming human and you will fall, onto the bed, where you might as well have been anyway.

little mermaid

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4) Used a way too intense warming or tingling lube – Let me just smear this tennis ball sized amount of warming lube onto your genitals and watch as you run screaming down the corridor to douse your fire crotch in water. Try a gentler warming lube.

crotch fire

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5) Acting out things you see in porn – These people get paid to give tit wanks or spray cum all over the place. You don’t, so don’t bother. You won’t enjoy it as much as you think and you’ll get cum in your hair and dry shampoo can’t fix that so you’ll have to wash it and you’ll have just washed it and that will make you sad…..  ;-PK


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24 July, 2015 1 tags (show)

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